This is My February

Someone pointed out that I have not been giving my blog some (good, good) lovin. 

I suddenly remembered that yes, I do have a blog site! As usual, I blame work for hindering me from posting updates on my existence. Although, I don't think that a lot of people are really that interested in what I do on a regular basis. Except probably for the occasional stalker. And those who are genuinely interested are always kept in the loop and in the know of the goings-on in my life.

Speaking of goings-on, a lot has happened since I last posted something here. 

A good friend celebrated (not with wine, though) the impending arrival of the stork. After waiting for quite some time, her li'l bundle of joy is on her/his way. In about the same time that I learned about this good news, I received the shock of my life when an old friend told me about the sudden passing away of a friend who happened to be an org-mate when I was in college. He was not even in his thirties. :-(

Work has been very challenging. I had no other option but to rise to the challenge. Multiple tasks and roles have assigned to me. I would like to believe that I carried them out pretty well, albeit some frustrating moments. A lot of frustrating moments, in fact. I survived though. Relatively unscathed. What does not kill me makes me stronger. It was a very good learning experience, though and I am very grateful for the opportunity and the several pats on the back I received from people who mattered.

Speaking of people who matter... =)

What matters is not what I post here but what I tell you everyday. In a nutshell, though, 

happysixmonthshappybirthdayhappyheart'sday.

Bitter Swill to Pallow

I'm like a kid all over again.

When I was a kid, I used to get sick a whole lot. The hardest part of getting sick was having to take all the medicines prescribed my pedia. I have never liked the smell and taste of any medicine and I always have a hard time ingesting them

Growing up, I realized that there is an even harder pill to swallow. The bitter truth.

Murphy Was with Me Tonight

Murphy decided to pay me a visit tonight.

There I was, all set to go home from work when boss called and asked if I could please be kind enough to update and send another report before I left? I had to acquiesce since it was either that or allow our unit to incur the wrath of the almighties. After finishing the report, I sent it to boss and asked if I could now leave and go home. He said that he forwarded my email to Makati and would I please not move a muscle until he receives word that no other info, data, and whatnot were needed. So I did. Or rather, didn't. Move a muscle, that is.

Oh, hey, he said after several minutes. We need to make some changes. Please edit the data accordingly. And I did. While I was in the middle of carrying out the instructions, I received yet another call. It was boss again. Turned out, there was no need to edit the report because the one I sent previously was already a-okay. Undo. Undo. Undo.

My team mates and I finally got the go ahead to, ehrm, go ahead and head for home. =) It was, afterall, already 1AM. We were at the office for almost 15 hours...time to rest the weary soul.

When we went out of the building, we were greeted by the deafening sound of pouring rain. It was raining so hard! We had to go back inside to grab some umbrellers. Each armed with an umbreller, we decided to brave the rain. We had to walk a bit (okay, more than a bit) since there weren't any available ride anywhere near the building.

It was cold. Our umbrellers didn't provide much protection from the water. There was a slight breeze so it weren't just our footwear and the hem of our pants that were getting wet. Almost every part that the umbreller didn't cover was starting to get wet as well. *sigh*

We have walked a substantial distance when we saw a chariot approaching. Okay. It was just a tricycle. But to a trio of drenched, cold, tired, and hungry workers, it seemed like it was a ride sent by the gods from the high heavens. When the tricycle stopped in front of us, we hurriedly scrambled in lest it turned into a pumpkin...and my team mates might turn into mice as well. Yes, Dyehri, I know that you'll be reading this. And when you do, kindly show this to JJ as well. Ha. Ha. Ha.

My rich  team mates got off at their stop in downtown Naga. They didn't have any change on them so I had to pay for their fare as well. You're still reading this, aren't you, Dyehri? =D

The rest of the ride home was uneventful (thank God for small miracles). I got off at my place. Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, I was proven wrong. It rained harder and when I reached our gate...It was locked! I contemplated on just climbing over the gate to get to the other side. Then again, the night (or early morning) wasn't really going so well that all sorts of things imaginable and unimaginable, even, might happen while I was climbing the gate. Not a good idea, I decided. So, I took out my phone and called my brother. Ehrm. Not picking up. I called my father instead. Good thing he picked up after a thousand rings. Okay, after just several rings. When you're out in the rain, tired and freezing, it would seem that way. Theory of Relativity. I think. Anyway, he picked up and told me to wait a bit while he got the key and went out to unlock the gate for me.

While waiting for what seemed like eternity (relativity, again), came the piece de resistance. A big Pajero came speeding by. When it whizzed by me, it brought memories of the uber fun Jurassic Park Ride at Universal Studios. What happened next was not fun, though. The Pajero was going so fast that it splashed tons of water as it sped by leaving a veeery drenched bystander in its wake. I wouldn't really have minded that much had that bystander not been me.

*sigh*

Eventually, my father came out with the key and let me in.

I am still seething at the series of events that Murphy contrived to happen to me tonight. I'm too worked up to go to sleep.

I am starting to calm down though. I see Khaled Hosseini on my side table. He'll keep me company until I drift off to sleep.

Toodles, then. Mustn't keep Khaled waiting. ;-)

The Sum of All Fears

What scares you?

Bugs, snakes, vermin, relationships, committment, death...we are afraid of a lot of things. Sometimes these fears are a result of various past experiences. Some, though, are totally unfounded and sometimes, downright preposterous. Some fears are manageable while some, unfortunately, manage to take control over your life.

Life is too short to be spent being afraid. There's a choice, really. You can spend your life being afraid or you can start taking control over your fears. You can either try to run away and escape from what you fear the most or you can face it, embrace it and conquer it.

September

I can't believe it's already September. Once again, time flew by with nary a glance at my direction...

Here Today, Gone Tomorrow

I was smoking and getting my usual early morning dose of caffeine when I noticed a couple of big, black butterflies fleeting in the backyard.

As they went about with their business, I contemplated on the fact that I've been seeing a lot of black butterflies in our backyard recently. They could be the same pair that I see everytime. Is it just coincidence then, that a lot of people I know have been dying in the past of weeks?

I've always wondered why black butterflies have been associated with death. I believe that they're too beautiful to be associated with something that evokes pain and sadness. Is it because the lifespan of most butterflies are too short? Most of them live for just a few days, the lucky ones get to roam various gardens for a maximum of 1 year.

Watching them from my perch, I wondered what I would do, how I would live my life if I were to be given just a few days to live. I was stumped. Thinking about that almost gave me a headache. Afterall, looking back at how I've been living my life, after all these years, I still have very little, or nothing even, to show for it. If I quietly leave, I'm afraid that nobody will even notice.

Here today, gone tomorrow.

Sabado Night Conversation

Akala ng marami, masakit ang magmahal ng taong hindi ka mahal. Ang di nila alam, mas masaklap at mapait ang magmahal ng isang taong ikinakahiya ang pagmamahal mo.

Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

Sister went to Manila this morning. She'll be on her way back to Dubai tomorrow.

I'll miss you but I salute you, sis. I salute you for having the courage to fly away from the nest to find your own niche in this world.

To you, I raise my margarita glass.

World-Weary Thoughts

It occurred to me just now that it is already June. My mindset is still stuck in the first quarter of this year. Whether you're having fun or not, time does fly so fast. I can't believe it's mid-year already.

Looking back, so much has happened these past months. Yet, I feel like nothing really significant is happening. I just might be suffering from a mild-case of ennui. I sort of panicked when the frightening thought that this might be mid-life crisis crossed my mind. I had to remind myself that I am too young to go through mid-life crisis. Naman. :-p I hope that this, whatever this is, like all things, shall pass.

I hope the next 6 months will be better. Soon, I'll be turning...oh, shoot, I honestly forgot! After I turned 25, I stopped counting. So whenever people ask me how old I am, I just shout a random number like 18! 42! 34.5! Square root of the absolute value of 647! Sometimes, when caught off-guard and unable to shout a random number, I ask them back: Chronological? Psychological? Intellectual? Would you like some fries with that? That usually causes them to tilt their head at a 45 degree angle and walk away. Sometimes, I really need to give the real deal so I have to do a quick computation. Being mathematically challenged, "a quick computation" takes on a whole new definition. After about 2 hours (depending on the position of the planets), the person asking finally gives up and leaves me sorting out my subtrahends, minuends and difference.

Incidentally, I recently saw a strand of silver (gray doesn't have that much oomph) hair o my temple. I was brushing my hair a couple of weeks back and saw something shiny. I usually get attracted and distracted by anything bright and shiny :-) so I took a closer look. Lo and behold, my very first strand of silver (gray doesn't have that much oomph) hair!

Unlike some folks who don't like growing any silver (gray doesn't have that much oomph) hair, I am actually fascinated by it. I like looking at my silver (gray doesn't have that much oomph) hair. I would like to believe that finding even just one strand of silver (gray doesn't have that much oomph) hair is a sign of maturity. Those who dare contradict will be condemned to suffer eternal damnation.

I look forward to growing more silver (gray doesn't have that much oomph) hair. That will make it easier for me to dye my hair in any shade I want! :-) Or, I could just leave it as it is and allow it to grow and multiply and eventually, I'll look like Storm. Or Typhoon Milenyo.

*sigh* I'll find my bearings again, eventually. In the meantime, I'll find something bright and shiny to amuse myself.

Shaumbra

This was sent to me by a colleague through email. I found it to be very interesting and thought of sharing it with you.

"Twelve Signs of Your Awakening Divinity"

“Shaumbra” means
Family and Deep Inner Friendship

By Geoffrey Hoppe and Tobias

1. Body aches and pains, especially in the neck, shoulder and back. This is the result of intense changes at your DNA level as the "Christ seed" awakens within. This too shall pass.

2. Feeling of deep inner sadness for no apparent reason. You are releasing your past (this lifetime and others) and this causes the feeling of sadness. This is similar to the experience of moving from a house where you lived in for many, many years into a new house. As much as you want to move into the new house, there is a sadness of leaving behind the memories, energy and experiences of the old house. This too shall pass.

3. Crying for no apparent reason. Similar to #2 above. It's good and healthy to let the tears flow. It helps to release the old energy within. This too shall pass.

4. Sudden change in job or career. A very common symptom. As you change, things around you will change as well. Don't worry about finding the "perfect" job or career right now. This too shall pass. You're in transition and you may make several job changes before you settle into one that fits your passion.

5. Withdrawal from family relationships. You are connected to your biological family via old karma. When you get off the karmic cycle, the bonds of the old relationships are released. It will appear as though you are drifting away from your family and friends. This too shall pass. After a period of time, you may develop a new relationship with them if it is appropriate. However, the relationship will be based in the new energy without the karmic attachments.

6. Unusual sleep patterns. It's likely that you'll awaken many nights between 2:00 and 4:00 AM. There's a lot of work going on within you, and it often causes you to wake up for a "breather." Not to worry. If you can't go back to sleep, get up and do something rather than lay in bed and worry about humanly things. This too shall pass.

7. Intense dreams. These might include war and battle dreams, chase dreams or monster dreams. You are literally releasing the old energy within, and these energies of the past are often symbolized as wars, running to escape and boogiemen. This too shall pass.

8. Physical disorientation. At times you'll feel very ungrounded. You'll be "spatially challenged" with the feeling like you can't put two feet on the ground, or that you're walking between two worlds. As your consciousness transitions into the new energy, you body sometimes lags behind. Spend more time in nature to help ground the new energy within. This too shall pass.

9. Increased "self talk." You'll find yourself talking to your Self more often. You'll suddenly realize you've been chattering away with yourself for the past 30 minutes. There is a new level of communication taking place within your being, and you're experiencing the tip of the iceberg with the self talk. The conversations will increase, and they will become more fluid, more coherent and more insightful. You're not going crazy, you're just Shaumbra moving into the new energy.

10. Feelings of loneliness, even when in the company of others. You may feel alone and removed from others. You may feel the desire to "flee" groups and crowds. As Shaumbra, you are walking a sacred and lonely path. As much as the feelings of loneliness cause you anxiety, it is difficult to relate to others at this time. The feelings of loneliness are also associated with the fact that your Guides have departed. They have been with you on all of your journeys in all of your lifetimes. It was time for them to back away so you could fill your space with your own divinity. This too shall pass. The void within will be filled with the love and energy of your own Christ consciousness.

11. Loss of passion. You may feel totally disimpassioned, with little or no desire to do anything. That's OK, and it's just part of the process. Take this time to "do no-thing." Don't fight yourself on this, because this too shall pass. It's similar to rebooting a computer. You need to shut down for a brief period of time in order to load the sophisticated new software, or in this case, the new Christ-seed energy.

12. A deep longing to go Home. This is perhaps the most difficult and challenging of any of the conditions. You may experience a deep and overwhelming desire to leave the planet and return to Home. This is not a "suicidal" feeling. It is not based in anger or frustration. You don't want to make a big deal of it or cause drama for yourself or other. There is a quiet part of you that wants to go Home. The root cause for this is quite simple. You have completed your karmic cycles. You have completed your contract for this lifetime. You are ready to begin a new lifetime while still in this physical body. During this transition process, you have an inner remembrance of what it is like to be on the other side. Are you ready to enlist for another tour of duty here on Earth? Are you ready to take on the challenges of moving into the New Energy? Yes, indeed you could go Home right now. But you've come this far, and after many, many lifetimes it would be a shame to leave before the end of the movie. Besides, Spirit needs you here to help others transition into the new energy. They will need a human guide, just like you, who has taken the journey from the old energy into the new. The path you're walking right now provides the experiences to enable you to become a Teacher of the New Divine Human. As lonely and dark as your journey can be at times, remember that you are never alone.